Alaskan Transcendentalist

I have a decent amount of people tell me how brave and courageous I am for being who I am and going through everything I’ve gone through. I always feel awkward with those kinds of statements. I’m just trying to survive and get through this life as best I can. I don’t do things for praise because it actually makes me uncomfortable. One of my mechanisms is actually turning it around and being negative or changing the subject; for example, if some someone compliments my performances I will often respond with “oh, thanks. I screwed up on the choreography during that second verse but glad you liked it. Oh hey look there’s (insert name here & walk away)”. This was recently brought to my attention when Leeanne challenged me to not speak negatively about myself. I’ve realized that I do speak negatively about myself A LOT, and it’s a difficult cycle to break. I also don’t feel courageous or brave but rather feel like a massive disappointment. I started trying to figure out why I have a dif...

Imagine for a moment if you will absolute quiet. You’re alone; slowly the bright light dims and soft clouds overhead turn shades of orange and pink  among  a blue sky; trees creep up and down the rocky cliffs leading down to the river’s edge; the water flows steadily but swiftly as the silt glistens in the sun’s rays. Now, introduce the sound of the water rushing over the rocks and lightly crashing into the shore; now comes the rustling of the leaves as the wind blows through the trees; hear the birds calling out to each other and the small rodents scurrying along the underbrush. Take a deep breath. Smell the fresh air mixed with clay and river water; the pine needles and sap from nearby trees and the crispness of the wind. Breathe in the peace and serenity that surrounds you as you feel the water spray upon your face. This was the highlight of my weekend. Everyone processes things differently but one absolutely critical part of my life is alone time that is quiet...

Last night I went to see The Hunting Ground at the Bear Tooth Theatrepub. First off I would like to say that I am now a huge fan of the Bear Tooth Theater. The experience of seeing a movie in comfy chairs while being able to eat real food and have a beer was fantastic. I will most definitely be attending more movie and film events at the Bear Tooth in the future. Now about the film… The Hunting Ground is a film documentary on sexual violence on college campuses, and the event was put on in part by STAR (Standing Together Against Rape). The film follows women who were raped and sexually assaulted during their college careers and who fought for justice. These women were blamed for their assaults and made to feel less than human in their pleas for help. They were interrogated and discouraged from filing claims and reporting especially to the police. The lack of care and concern for these young women by their educational institutions and even local police is abhorrent and caused a mas...

Breakups at any age hurt. It doesn’t matter how many you have gone through and if you’re the one who broke it off or the one who was left stunned and blindsided- breakups suck. We trust someone with parts of ourselves and open our hearts just to get hurt and disappointed; even breakups that are for the best hurt when they happen. No one ever goes into a relationship hoping that it will end (but if you are that way please stay very far away from me because my poor little heart is fragile). My point is that we don’t expect any type of relationship to end but sadly it is the cold, hard truth that sometimes they do. While there is suffering and pain, breakups don’t have to be the end of the world. Relationships aren’t a waste of our time and while it sounds  cliche ’ it is far better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all (I don’t know who said that first or where it originated from, but I hate it too; let’s tar and feather them. That will make me feel be...