Breakin Up Is Hard To Do

Breakups at any age hurt. It doesn’t matter how many you have gone through and if you’re the one who broke it off or the one who was left stunned and blindsided- breakups suck. We trust someone with parts of ourselves and open our hearts just to get hurt and disappointed; even breakups that are for the best hurt when they happen. No one ever goes into a relationship hoping that it will end (but if you are that way please stay very far away from me because my poor little heart is fragile). My point is that we don’t expect any type of relationship to end but sadly it is the cold, hard truth that sometimes they do.

While there is suffering and pain, breakups don’t have to be the end of the world. Relationships aren’t a waste of our time and while it sounds cliche’ it is far better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all (I don’t know who said that first or where it originated from, but I hate it too; let’s tar and feather them. That will make me feel better). Relationships help us grow and develop as individuals. We get to learn about ourselves and our needs, wants, and desires. We can gage what is and is not important to us in a relationship and discover new ways to communicate and love. 

Relationships teach us how to be less selfish and more caring and compassionate but can also teach us when enough is enough and how to stand up for ourselves when being taken advantage of. We can find new dreams, talents, skills, adventures, and interests that we might not have discovered if it weren’t for our partner(s). We can learn about our boundaries and triggers such as safe sex, testing, BDSM, power exchanges, physical touch, must have needs, and our absolutely not gonna happen! We can even discover new confidences in ourselves when our partners positively reaffirm who we are, what we do, and how we look. The things that we can learn in relationships have endless possibilities.

Now, I’m not saying that we can’t learn about ourselves unless we’re in a relationship. That’s far from what I’m saying. I have spent the last 164 days on a journey to get to know myself better and to learn and grow without depending on others for my happiness. It has been an amazing journey, and I have learned a lot about myself. I have also dated other people and learned a lot from those relationships. We have opportunities to learn and grow every day, and it is our experiences that teach us and allow us to discover who we are and what we want out of life, and relationships and breakups are a part of that journey of discovery.

Sometimes in life, love, and breakups we can even discover that while we might not be able to be romantically or sexually involved we do make great friends. Some of my closest friends are romantic interests that just didn’t pan out, and I feel very blessed that we were able to maintain those friendships. My most recent breakup will be able to move into a close friendship as well after some time. I think the world of Leeanne, and we have built a strong connection over the last few months that I truly believe will surpass the reason we can’t be in a romantic relationship at this moment in time. Camp Magnificent has been so great to me, and I appreciate their kindness, generosity, and love. I have learned so much about life, myself, and relationships in the few months that I have known them and the short time I have dated Leeanne. I have finally been able to let go of so much negativity about myself and about love since I met them, and I am grateful for the reawakening of my heart. They have inspired me to search beyond myself and my current beliefs/knowledge to seek my own truth. Leeanne has inspired me to write again which is a gift I could never repay. My creativity was severely stifled in my previous relationship and writing became a difficult chore so to have the floodgates of creativity opened was a huge relief and blessing. They helped me discover my strong urges of being outdoors and the need for random adventures. I will be purchasing a kayak sometime before next summer so that I can take solo adventures whenever I please thanks to their example and taking me out kayaking all summer. Old dreams resurfaced and new confidences took over, and I’m learning to not be so afraid of being poor and to trust in the timing of the universe. I’ve learned that I deserve far more than what I’ve given myself credit for and that I’m far from perfect but that doesn’t mean I deserve abuse like I’ve suffered in the past.

The greatest lesson I have learned from them, however, is that love doesn’t live in a box; breakups don’t mean that love no longer exists and being in a relationship doesn’t mean that love does exist. We come to love people for many reasons, and we don’t just stop loving because something comes up that causes the end of a relationship or rather changes the style of the relationship. Love exists in many forms and the best part of having had so many relationships and breakups is finally being able to talk about things in a rational way that can preserve possibilities of friendship or a future romantic or sexual relationship.

Breakups do hurt, and we have the right to mourn the loss, but it doesn’t have to destroy us. Each time we go through a breakup it is a time to reinvent ourselves and start fresh. We can take what we have learned and use it to better ourselves and better our future relationships. We don’t have to let the past or heartache destroy us. We deserve to love and be loved and to appreciate our relationships for that they are and what they have taught us. I’m grateful for the opportunities I have had to be in relationships and to learn about myself, and someday someone will walk into my life and decide my crazy ass is worth putting up with for the rest of their life (which hopefully will be before we’re old and dying, but I’ll take what I can get).