2015: A Year in Review

2015 started with a glimmer of hope. I thought perhaps my marriage would be able to survive when Cheryl showed up at my work to kiss me at midnight. It was a fun and happy new year. However, I was mistaken and Cheryl and I discovered that we just weren't meant to be. Valentines brought the difficult reality that we would cause more harm to each other if we stayed married than if we split up. We decided to go ahead with the divorce which ended up being finalized in July.

At the realization that my marriage was over, my friend Sarha challenged me to spend 365 days being single and focusing on myself. I have never done very well on my own and have always been very dependent on having a partner or close friends around. I didn't like myself much and definitely didn't respect myself enough to believe that I deserved to be taken care of or loved. I was at an incredibly low point, and I think all my friends knew it which is why they all knew I needed this. I set out on my new journey with a broken heart and broken spirit trying desperately just to make it through one day at a time. 

The year 2015 has brought so many experiences, challenges, joys, discoveries, and accomplishments with this 365 day challenge. This has been one of the toughest years of my life by far, but it has also been the best. In 2015 I had to move a multitude of times and even spent several months living in the back of my truck because I couldn't afford rent; I was working a job I disliked, then unemployed for two months, and finally found an amazing job that I love with fantastic co-workers and a sense of purpose in what I do every day; I went to several concerts and many shows; I became Mister Gay Alaska for the second time and threw an amazing Snowball that raised over $2500 for the ICOAA scholarship fund.

 I got divorced and finally took off my wedding ring in July; I lost friends and discovered who my true friends are and even realized what qualities I need in my close friendships; I tried dating and realized I am not ready despite feeling lonely at times; I started getting healthy by eating better, seeing my doctors and therapist regularly, and working out at the gym in the mornings; I lost loved ones and built stronger bonds with other family members and friends; I did TV and newspaper interviews about being transgender; I completed the transgender resource and how-to transition guide for Alaska.

 I lost 30 pounds; I bought my first tailored suit; I found my spirituality and a deeper sense of peace in life; I came to understand what it truly means to be non-judgmental and be compassionate; I started my Masters program in Mental Health Counseling and am maintaining a 4.0 GPA; I auditioned for and got cast in my favorite musical- Little Shop of Horrors; I learned how to take care of myself and more importantly came to truly love myself and enjoy my own company among many other major and beautiful life lessons. 

This year was full of life and living with many first experiences. I truly have lived more life in this one year than I have in the last several years combined. I had to live outside of my comfort zone every day this year and while it was a trip through the deepest and darkest parts of hell and back, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I've been able to reflect on this year and see how far I have come and see how much I have grown, and I love who I am today as we get ready to close out this year. I am so much stronger and a far better individual than I ever thought I could be. I'm not trying to be cocky or self-righteous because frankly I still have many faults and imperfections that I need to work on, but I'm okay with that. I will learn many more lessons as I continue through this life and all of us will.

So here's to the end of the year 2015, a year of experience and growth, and here's to the new year 2016- may it be a year of pursuing your passions and discovering all those things that bring you true happiness that will last for many years to come.