Alaskan Transcendentalist

When I was 21 I was blessed with an amazing opportunity to perform at the Friday Night Diva Variety Show at Mad Myrna’s. I performed almost every Friday night for just over three years. I eventually began performing with The Last Frontier Drag Kings and for the last year and a half have been performing with the Midnight Sons Drag Kings. My performing career has been very good to me, and Drag got me started with my transition and made it relatively easy to transition to being Danny full time. Performing has always been a passion for me and a huge emotional and physical release from the stress that is my life. However, things are beginning to change. I love performing, and I love Danny Cockring, but I don’t need it or him anymore like I used to. Danny Cockring was who I wanted to be all the time and I wanted that man’s man persona and the confidence that he had. I needed performing to express myself and to release the negativity from my life. Performing gave me fans and fellow...

I did a cutting/scarification at Northern Exposure last weekend. Phoenix B took a scalpel to my right arm and sliced my skin open on top of my tattoo. I now have ‘You say morbid like it’s a bad thing’ carved into my skin. The reactions have been mixed; some are intrigued; some terrified; some freaked out; some think it’s totally  bad-ass  but only one person asked me why I did it. Rather, Phoenix asked me why I WANTED to have it done. It’s both a simple and a complicated answer. I have been a cutter since I was about 13 or 14 years old. The constant dissonance I felt within my soul left a pain that never seemed to go away. My heart ached for a home I never knew, and my soul felt trapped in this physical body that didn’t match who I felt I was. I started cutting because I felt that I needed to punish myself. I didn’t feel worthy of Christ’s Atonement. What kind of sick person is attracted to someone of the same sex? What kind of pervert wants to be a boy if they are a...

As a transman, sexuality is often the topic of conversation. People want to know if I’m gay or straight or if I’m a lesbian, and my partner’s sexuality is ALWAYS questioned. It’s like the world finds it strange that people could be attracted to transgender people. It’s a sad reality that sometimes our partners often experience more issues for dating us than we do for simply being trans. Now, I’m all about education but sometimes it can get really old having to defend my sexuality or that of my partner. Why does it even matter? Over the years I’ve dated people with different sexual orientations. I’ve dated lesbians, straight women, bisexual women, pansexual women and gay men; sexually I’ve even been with straight men. Every single partner I’ve been with I have been told, “I’ve never been with a transman before.” Now, some of my encounters were strictly because I was their experiment. It happens. So that begs the question: does who we sleep with determine our sexual orientation? ...

I’d like to start with the disclaimer that the last few months have been the happiest I’ve ever felt in my life. With that said, it makes it all the more important to have the discussion of mental illness and what it is like. When I started my 365 days of dating myself journey I was in a very bad place; I was depressed, anxious, nervous, heartbroken, and lost. Today I find myself thrown back into a tangled mess of depression, anxiety, PTSD, flashbacks, and heartache. Having to go through my divorce at court yesterday was a huge trigger for a lot of feelings, and I could feel myself falling apart. Sitting on the hard, wooden benches waiting for the judge to call us up my mind wandered to my and Cheryl’s wedding day. I could hear “Now That I Found You” by Terri Clark playing in my head as I saw Cheryl walk down the aisle; I saw all our friends and family sitting in the yard and our wedding party at our sides. I saw us on our first dance to “Close Your Eyes” by Michael Buble’ and could f...

Love is a most splendid thing. To love and be loved by another is one of the greatest feelings but what happens when that love changes or ceases to exist? Love is ever changing as are our relationships, and we sometimes fail. Next week I will be a divorced man; my marriage lasting less than a year and honestly lasting less than a month because we have been separated since September 2014 after getting married August 16 th , 2014. A lot went into the decision for getting divorced but the reasons behind the divorce are not what I’m here to talk about. Breakups are always difficult for both parties regardless of who left who and how do you come back from that change? We have this awful habit of talking down to ourselves and wondering what is wrong with us and why are we unlovable and many other irrational questions race through our heads. But what if nothing is wrong with us? Who says that breakups happen because there is something wrong with the individuals in the relationship? Sometim...