Performing: The Past vs. The Future

When I was 21 I was blessed with an amazing opportunity to perform at the Friday Night Diva Variety Show at Mad Myrna’s. I performed almost every Friday night for just over three years. I eventually began performing with The Last Frontier Drag Kings and for the last year and a half have been performing with the Midnight Sons Drag Kings. My performing career has been very good to me, and Drag got me started with my transition and made it relatively easy to transition to being Danny full time. Performing has always been a passion for me and a huge emotional and physical release from the stress that is my life. However, things are beginning to change.

I love performing, and I love Danny Cockring, but I don’t need it or him anymore like I used to. Danny Cockring was who I wanted to be all the time and I wanted that man’s man persona and the confidence that he had. I needed performing to express myself and to release the negativity from my life. Performing gave me fans and fellow performers of which many became dear friends. Danny Cockring allowed me to be whoever and whatever I wanted and often brought the ladies and some cute boys to my side.

Danny Cockring got me into the community as a volunteer and as a performer. He has gotten me three titles within the Imperial Court of all Alaska including the current title of Mister Gay Alaska 2015-2016. Danny Cockring is very dear to me and really got me through some rough times in my life including my divorce. However, the more that I learn about myself and spend time focusing on my own needs and desires the more I realize that Danny Ashton Earll is a pretty amazing guy. I’m really starting to come into my own and am discovering that my life is changing and developing to where drag and performing isn’t what I want to focus on.

As I look on to my upcoming 27^th birthday I see different dreams, desires, and goals for my life. I am really excited about starting my Masters Degree this month. I want to do better in school so that I can be the best in my field and focus on transgender issues as well as the GLBTQA community and their families. I also want to offer a safe counseling space for ‘alternative lifestyles’ such as poly and kink (although I’m starting to think they are less alternative and far more common than people realize).

I want to focus on my health. Being diabetic takes a huge toll on my body, and I am kind of over it. I want to learn how to eat healthy on a budget and actually do it! I want to have my regular scheduled gym time because when I am actively working out I feel amazing! It’s my stress relief, my time to jam to some amazing tunes, and a way to give myself some healthy self-care. I want to get my weight and my blood sugar down to where I can get off the medications that are making me sick. Plus, losing weight and getting stronger and fit would allow me to perform better down the road. I am also at a place in my life where I finally don’t want to die. It would be really stupid to survive 14 suicide attempts just to die of diabetes or a heart attack in my 30’s. 

I am also rediscovering old dreams of family life. I loved having such a big family growing up even though it was extended family, and I feel that is partly why I’m drawn to polyamory: I want a big family but need the extra support. I want to spend more time in family settings and being a part of a big family that loves and accepts me. I love family adventures and family meals. I love having little ones who run up into my arms because they missed me or need me to kiss their booboos better. I am currently dating such a family and while it’s new and at the beginning and I don’t know where it’s going to end up, I am excited to have this experience, and I’m learning so much about myself and what I really want from relationships and family.

With everything I am experiencing and learning the most important is this: Danny Ashton Earll is a pretty great guy, and he deserves to be happy, healthy, and loved. It’s unfortunate that I don’t have all the time in the world to do everything I want all the time and that some things have to be cut or put on the back burner. Danny Cockring has been really good to me, but I think it’s time for him to be put up on the shelf for a moment and take a break from overdoing it. It’s time for Danny Ashton Earll to shine and thrive.