Does Sexuality Really Matter?

As a transman, sexuality is often the topic of conversation. People want to know if I’m gay or straight or if I’m a lesbian, and my partner’s sexuality is ALWAYS questioned. It’s like the world finds it strange that people could be attracted to transgender people. It’s a sad reality that sometimes our partners often experience more issues for dating us than we do for simply being trans. Now, I’m all about education but sometimes it can get really old having to defend my sexuality or that of my partner. Why does it even matter?

Over the years I’ve dated people with different sexual orientations. I’ve dated lesbians, straight women, bisexual women, pansexual women and gay men; sexually I’ve even been with straight men. Every single partner I’ve been with I have been told, “I’ve never been with a transman before.” Now, some of my encounters were strictly because I was their experiment. It happens. So that begs the question: does who we sleep with determine our sexual orientation? Or is it what we choose to identify as? Or is it who we happen to be attracted to? Either way, sometime sexual orientation is made to be a huge deal when it comes to transgender individuals so here is my answer…

I do not fit in a box. I never have. I find myself attracted to many different kinds of people of all genders. I find myself primarily attracted to women physically, emotionally, and intellectually. I have always been attracted to women. Growing up I was attracted to one guy who, as it turned out, is gay. We never had a romantic or sexual relationship but were good friends. After three years on testosterone I started finding myself physically & emotionally attracted to men, specifically gay men, although I had sexual relations with straight men as well. I also find myself incredibly attracted to some transmen; pre and post-op. Why? I don’t know. I’m not Sigmund Freud.

Through all of my attractions I’ve come to realize that I’m not attracted to gender. It’s not that I don’t see gender because I very much do; I’m just able to see beauty in many forms regardless of gender. I finally started identifying as pansexual a year ago which allows me to include any and all genders and gender expressions as part of my sexuality. I like to keep my options open because I never know who is going to come into my life. I’m more attracted to intelligence and emotional maturity anyways.

Along those same lines, transgender individuals are people too, and we just want to be loved. Luckily there are people out there who are willing to move past fear of the unknown and take a chance on us. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn’t but aren’t all relationships like that? Yes, our bodies can be a bit confusing, but we have sexual needs too so thank goodness there are people out there who are okay with being attracted to us. If you’re not okay with being attracted to us, that’s totally fine; just don’t be a dick about it because most likely I’m not attracted to you either.