Awareness, Wellness, & Authenticity

I saw this photo today, and I wish more people understood. I wish I could share my true inner thoughts with more people and have them just get it. I wish people could understand that having rough and bad days is just as important and meaningful as having incredibly fabulous days; they are both beautiful and necessary in life, and we shouldn’t be so judgmental when we see someone’s bad day through their attitude, behavior, or social media posts. We all have bad days, and we all deserve to be authentically ourselves.

I am not saying to be a negative Nancy {which, where did that term come from? Did Nancy have a lot of bad days around the office and get called out for it? Was she a pessimist who just could NOT find happiness? And who WAS Nancy?} I’m just saying that we are all capable of having bad days or tough times in our lives and denying those emotions and repressing them will only make them worse in the end. When I post things that are angry, depressing, sad, or even disturbing, it’s not for the attention or because I need validation but rather my way of acknowledging my feelings and emotions, putting it out there, and letting it go. If I’m having a bad day the whole world pretty much knows it but the same goes for if I’m having a fabulously amazing day, a good day, an off day, or a weird day. Sometimes the things I need to put out into the universe and let go of are far too inappropriate even for me which is why I’m blessed to have such an amazing bestie who knows me better than I know myself and willingly puts up with my insane text messages regardless of whether they are positive, negative, or just crazy.

I used to post a lot of negativity because I had a lot of negativity in my life. Over the last 243 days, however, my posts, texts, and my overall attitudes have become quite positive in nature. Why? Because I was forced to live with myself. I was forced to sit alone and go about my life without having someone to blame my emotions or reactions on, and I had the time to stop and think about why I was feeling a particular sort of way. I had to dive deep into my own mind and soul to figure out where emotions and behaviors were coming from. I all of a sudden didn’t have to defend myself against attacks on my behaviors but started noticing my behaviors, feelings, and emotions on my own and questioning why I was being that way (good, bad, negative, positive, etc). I had to start figuring out who I was and who I wanted to be without attaching that to another person. I also had to take extra steps than what most people will have to take because I’ve had to examine both Ashley and Danny and figure out how to integrate the two instead of trying to destroy Ashley because she will always be a part of me. Coming to accept Ashley as a part of Danny was a huge step in creating and discovering my own happiness and becoming more aware.

One aspect of my Masters program has been learning about overall health and wellness and how this model can help our clients. Wellness is creating and maintaining a healthy, balanced lifestyle for the body, mind, and soul. I figured that if this model is important for clients then it must be even more important for me as a counselor to practice. I decided to apply what I was learning to my daily life. The wellness model basically breaks down life into different categories (depending on which particular model you use depends on how many areas & what the center is) that an individual has to balance in order to have overall health and well-being. I particularly lean towards the wheel of wellness model that is based in the counseling profession developed by Sweeney and Witmer (1991). The center of the wheel is spirituality or one’s sense of direction or purpose in life with 12 branching categories: sense of worth, sense of control, realistic beliefs, emotional awareness and coping, sense of humor, nutrition, exercise, self-care, stress management, gender identity, and cultural identity (Myers & Sweeney, 2008).

Many of these categories I had already been working on but having this model brought to my attention increased my awareness of what I am hoping to accomplish and the steps I need to get there. Part of working on wellness is being honest with ourselves. Our bodies, minds, and souls know when we’re not being honest and authentic which makes it hard to bypass any steps or bullshit our way to wellness. Sure we can say we eat healthy but our but our body knows when we stuff it with crap. Sure we can check in at the gym every day and say we’re workin on our fitness, but our body knows if we’re actually getting a workout or if we’re just going through motions. Sure we can go to church every Sunday and say meal blessings, but our soul knows if we’re truly connected to the divine or if we’re reciting prayers out of habit and no true intent.

 Our habits are manifested in our lives and often we do not even recognize it until we are somehow made aware of it. I’ve lived in chronic pain and with Gender Dysphoria so I really despised being aware of my body. I really didn’t want to deal with it. However, after a few chiropractic appointments with a non-invasive technique by Dr. Allison Hill and a cleansing/healing session with Spirit Guide Nicole Poole, I very much came into my body and was almost forced to be more aware. I started noticing that my back pain was gone; even working out felt different, and I wasn’t limping away after workouts. The interesting part was taking a week break from the gym and being in pain again. I almost didn’t go back the gym because I thought that was why it was hurting except that after my first workout the pain was gone again. Turns out that going to the gym helps decrease my back pain; the more I move the better I feel- go figure. I’m also more aware of how I feel after eating or drinking certain things. Feeling better physically has allowed for a massive improvement in my mental, emotional, and spiritual health as well.

Recently I have been exploring mindfulness and meditations to help deal with the stress of my crazy busy life. The gym is great, but I can’t exactly pump iron at the front desk if I’m frustrated or overwhelmed. I’ve had to learn to slow down, pay attention, and breathe. Turns out that my reactions to others really are a manifestation of what is going on inside myself versus the other person’s behavior. If I’m having a good day then I’m generally pretty happy and don’t feel bothered if I’m interrupted but if I’m feeling stressed or overwhelmed in my life, I’m a bit irritable and impatient which unfortunately sometimes comes across to others and then I feel bad for being a douchecanoe. Regular practice of meditation helps me to slow down, be aware, and think about my actions rather than simple react. I’m still not perfect and never will be, but it definitely helps to be aware of my body, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and surroundings.

I am not the most spiritual person, but I’m on my own journey to discovering my spiritual self and how to maintain a lifestyle of overall health and wellness. It’s about balance, honesty, awareness, and authenticity. We all have our good days, and we all have our bad days. It’s time to stop judging and simply appreciate each other’s truths.

References

Hill, Allison (2015). The Hill Clinic. Retrieved from

        http://www.hillclinicak.com/

Myers, J. E., & Sweeney, T. J. (2008). Wellness counseling: The evidence base for                       practice. Journal of Counseling and Development : JCD, 86(4), 482-493. Retrieved             from http://search.proquest.com.library.capella.edu/docview/219029297?                        accountid=27965

Poole, Nicole (2015). Spirit Guide Psychic Healing. Retrieved from                                               http://www.spiritguidepsychichealing.com/#intro 

          https://www.facebook.com/spiritguidepsychichealing

*stop judging my APA format in a blog post!*