Alaskan Transcendentalist

            Coming out- it's a pretty big deal. There are a lot of emotions surrounding coming out and a lot of factors that go into the decision to come out; factors such as age, family situation, political climate, work or school environment, religious affiliation, living situation, personal preference, etc. Coming out is a very personal choice and experience but unlike what some people think, it doesn't happen just once. I have been coming out constantly since I was 17 due to my identity having more words to describe who I am and the progression of my transition status as well as coming out in a variety of settings such as classrooms, new medical providers, potential romantic encounters, and public speaking opportunities. While I am very out and open about being transgender, every time I come out, it is my choice and my choice alone. I am not obligated to come out in a situation even if I have come out many times before.             Sadly our safety is of great conc

            I have been wanting a hysterectomy since I got my first period. It wasn't the normal hate for periods that most pubescent girls experience but rather a loathsome fury that spread throughout my entire being- I was entering womanhood and nothing could have been worse, especially since I am a dude.             Sadly transmen still get their periods and while testosterone can stop menstruation or at least make it less intense, it is still a tragic fact of life. There were several incidences where I had to leave school or work because I randomly started bleeding even after being on hormone therapy for several years. I wanted a hysterectomy badly and in 2012 I thought I had my chance. Long story short- I had an exploratory surgery where the doctor removed part of my equipment, but insurance refused to pay for a hysterectomy even though I had PCOS and Endometriosis that caused a lot of pain. They were insistent that I would change my mind about this "whole transgende

2015 started with a glimmer of hope. I thought perhaps my marriage would be able to survive when Cheryl showed up at my work to kiss me at midnight. It was a fun and happy new year. However, I was mistaken and Cheryl and I discovered that we just weren't meant to be. Valentines brought the difficult reality that we would cause more harm to each other if we stayed married than if we split up. We decided to go ahead with the divorce which ended up being finalized in July. At the realization that my marriage was over, my friend Sarha challenged me to spend 365 days being single and focusing on myself. I have never done very well on my own and have always been very dependent on having a partner or close friends around. I didn't like myself much and definitely didn't respect myself enough to believe that I deserved to be taken care of or loved. I was at an incredibly low point, and I think all my friends knew it which is why they all knew I needed this. I set out on my new jo

I saw this photo today, and I wish more people understood. I wish I could share my true inner thoughts with more people and have them just get it. I wish people could understand that having rough and bad days is just as important and meaningful as having incredibly fabulous days; they are both beautiful and necessary in life, and we shouldn’t be so judgmental when we see someone’s bad day through their attitude, behavior, or social media posts. We all have bad days, and we all deserve to be authentically ourselves. I am not saying to be a negative Nancy {which, where did that term come from? Did Nancy have a lot of bad days around the office and get called out for it? Was she a pessimist who just could NOT find happiness? And who WAS Nancy?} I’m just saying that we are all capable of having bad days or tough times in our lives and denying those emotions and repressing them will only make them worse in the end. When I post things that are angry, depressing, sad, or even disturbin

I am far from perfect. We all have our faults and imperfections, but we’re all worthy of love. We are all worthy of being treated like decent human beings because we are. We are all part of this amazing universe and are divinely created. Whatever your religion or spiritual beliefs are, just go with me. We are all worth more than people give us credit for and worth far more than we believe ourselves to be. Trust me- I know you have doubts about yourself and have those negative self-talks. I’m not dumb. I know. I do it to. It’s part of the human experience, but I’m here to tell you that we can change that. As many of you know I have been on a journey of dating myself over the last 230 days. It has been a challenge. It has been a crazy whirlwind of emotions, pain, joy, suffering, trauma, enlightenment, friends, food, drinks, job changes, education, doctor visits, working out, reading, sleeping, adventures, bestie time, learning, family, frustrations, prayer, meditation, volunteer work,

I have a decent amount of people tell me how brave and courageous I am for being who I am and going through everything I’ve gone through. I always feel awkward with those kinds of statements. I’m just trying to survive and get through this life as best I can. I don’t do things for praise because it actually makes me uncomfortable. One of my mechanisms is actually turning it around and being negative or changing the subject; for example, if some someone compliments my performances I will often respond with “oh, thanks. I screwed up on the choreography during that second verse but glad you liked it. Oh hey look there’s (insert name here & walk away)”. This was recently brought to my attention when Leeanne challenged me to not speak negatively about myself. I’ve realized that I do speak negatively about myself A LOT, and it’s a difficult cycle to break. I also don’t feel courageous or brave but rather feel like a massive disappointment. I started trying to figure out why I have a dif