Alaskan Transcendentalist

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I'm a recovering cutter. I'm recovering from years and years of self harm. I have a hard time with the word recovering. I don't feel recovered, and I don't know how to express that I still think about cutting several times a week even though my life is far better than it was in the past when I was cutting on a regular basis. It's not something I can really explain and often it is hard to talk about because there is such stigma around self harm and suicide. Why is it so hard for us to talk about? I wish I knew. I started cutting when I was about 14. I was severely depressed and unable to show my deep sorrow and anger and confusion. I was struggling so much and as I got older the cutting only got worse. When I finally got to college I found better ways to cut that were deeper and caused scars. I cut more often and all over my body, specifically my arms. I would cut during times of high stress or debilitating depression. It became my go-to anytime I needed releas

There is nothing quite like love to boost the senses and make us feel alive. The excitement of a new romance and the oey goey gush of cuteness and hormones makes our day and holidays are all the more exciting with someone to share them with. We all want these wonderful feelings to continue and blossom into the perfect Disney romance but often we end up hurt or hurting someone else and crying our eyes out to the worst sappy romantic movies while trying not to get the running snot in our popcorn and half gallon carton of ice cream. I have had my fair share of these experiences and absolute heart breaks but what I've learned from them is beyond priceless, and I am able to use that knowledge in my current relationship. I have to admit that while I always thought I was some Prince Charming, I really wasn't that great of a partner, and I'm still far from perfect. Most of my past girlfriends will tell you that I'm super romantic to the point of obsession and that I was se

It is a long drive to the Kenai Peninsula from Anchorage, especially when your heart feels like a yo-yo causing massive anxiety. It seems even longer when going to visit Mormon family members as a transman and even MORE when you stood your ground and told your parents you were bringing your fiance' regardless of what they said. I'm surprised I didn't fall back into smoking or get drunk on the drive down. I was a nervous wreck; thank god I wasn't the one driving. It took about 4 hours to get to Soldotna as we do not have snow or all season tires on our car (thanks a lot Lithia- lying jerks), and we had to go slower than hoped for. Soldotna, however, was even worse as it had been snowing and the roads looked like they hadn't been plowed in a week. We couldn't even get into my granny's driveway. We got out of the car and headed into granny's house to visit before heading over to my aunt's house to stay the night. Granny is always so warm and inviting