Christmas with the Earlls

It is a long drive to the Kenai Peninsula from Anchorage, especially when your heart feels like a yo-yo causing massive anxiety. It seems even longer when going to visit Mormon family members as a transman and even MORE when you stood your ground and told your parents you were bringing your fiance' regardless of what they said. I'm surprised I didn't fall back into smoking or get drunk on the drive down. I was a nervous wreck; thank god I wasn't the one driving. It took about 4 hours to get to Soldotna as we do not have snow or all season tires on our car (thanks a lot Lithia- lying jerks), and we had to go slower than hoped for. Soldotna, however, was even worse as it had been snowing and the roads looked like they hadn't been plowed in a week. We couldn't even get into my granny's driveway.
We got out of the car and headed into granny's house to visit before heading over to my aunt's house to stay the night. Granny is always so warm and inviting so of course hugs all around to Cheryl and I as we walked in. We reintroduced Cheryl to great grandma who at 93 years old is pretty much deaf and blind with no memory for who is around her at any moment.

We chatted about work and school, had a bite to eat, and watched a movie before it was time to go. Granny had to get great grandma ready for bed, and we were exhausted from the drive and ready to get cozy for the night. We drove the several blocks over to my aunt's house to find that we couldn't get into her driveway either. We were angry, frustrated, and exhausted. Luckily things went better than expected at Tia's, so we got to watch Home Alone to laugh and relax. It was around 1am when Tia went to bed as we were left in the living room to die of heat. On two separate couches we complained of how hot it was and read The Hunger Games Catching Fire together to try and fall asleep: it was useless. Unable to deal, we went outside: Cheryl to smoke and I to shovel the snow from the driveway. 2 hours later the driveway was shoveled, chains were put on the tires, the car was pulled into the driveway, we were cooled off and finally ready for bed.


We didn't sleep long as we were up and getting ready by noon so we could head out to North Kenai to visit my friend Sam. Normally the drive wouldn't be so bad except we had to travel through a whole lot of snow in a tiny Ford Focus without snow tires. The chains were only a small help as we had to take them off and put them back on because we couldn't drive the highway with the chains on (30 mph limit with those damn things). However, it didn't take long before we had a serious issue... we got stuck on a back road in the middle of Nikiski with my parents far far away in the Caribou Hills. I felt extremely unprepared as I realized I should have brought a shovel with me for this reason. As I got out to put the chains back on, a very nice older man drove out with his plow truck. Apparently our emergency lights went right to his living room window and after 10 minutes he came out to see if he could help. The nice man plowed the road all the way to my friend Sam's place so there wouldn't be any problems after leaving her house which turned out to be a blessing and a misfortune; one of our chains broke and flung off in the short distance we had driven and though I searched everywhere with my LED flashlight in the dark, we were unable to locate it as the man plowed the road wider after we pulled into Sam's driveway. I cannot emphasis how this one incident made our trip into a mini HELL because after visiting Sam, we drove back into Kenai to visit my brother and my friend Jalissa. Kenai brought on more issues. I am pretty sure I pushed our car through most of Kenai and the back roads despite another kind man plowing ahead of us. That damn car just didn't want to go anywhere and not having the chains made it that much worse because only having one chain didn't do jack banana split!


That night we got to granny's and vowed not to go anywhere the next day which was a blessing since I woke up sick as a dog and so sore I couldn't move off the couch. I spent the next 2 days on granny's couch with body aches and flu like symptoms unable to eat anything but chicken broth and some crackers. Poor Cheryl got stuck watching all my favorite kid Christmas movies and helping my granny take care of great grandma. Although I have to say, I have never seen my great grandma so happy as she was with Cheryl around. Cheryl knew everything to say and do when it came to great grandma. They were laughing together, and I couldn't believe some of the things great grandma was doing; like playing her harmonica then saying, “well, no one was paying attention to me so I thought if I played my harmonica....” Or when she would talk and sing in Spanish with Cheryl to The Three Caballeros. It was really a blessing to be stuck sick at granny's for several days because I'm sure I won't have the opportunity to see my great grandma like that again as her end is getting closer and closer. I gained a lot of respect for Cheryl over that few days and both granny and great grandma came to love her as well.


Christmas Eve came and with it a text from my mom, “Do you and Cheryl want to come to the house at 12pm to open gifts?” I'm pretty sure I about had a heart attack at her asking both Cheryl and I to go over but somehow I managed to get the strength and we went. The visit was far different than anything I had expected. We exchanged gifts and to my extreme surprise, they had a gift for Cheryl. I had to focus on going through my stocking because I didn't want to cry in front of them. My stocking included many wonderful things I had wanted and while cooking utensils and really good knives would seem like a female gender gift, everything was exactly what I wanted. My mom is learning so much about me and has actually come to respect me enough to not give me anything gender specific in my stocking which is a huge step for her. Two years ago she actually gave me men's shaving cream though which was the first step my parents really took towards accepting me.


My parents proceeded to open their gifts from us and the reactions were better than I'd hoped for. Cheryl even talked about how she picked out my mom's gift and ordered it before telling me which roused a chuckle from my mom. We had gotten her polar bear snow globe salt and pepper shakers because my mom collects them. She has so many different sets of salt and pepper shakers that I'm sure she could someday have a museum to display them all. Her excitement at the snow globes was one of the most adorable things I've seen and the way she was showing my dad, I don't think I'll ever forget that moment. Excitement soon turned to rush as we had to get everything ready to head over to Tia's for Christmas Eve with the whole family by 2pm. Cheryl and I helped make the meat and cheese trays then Cheryl wrapped some presents for my mom while she offered us halibut and beans from the food storage (a gift I was much too excited about receiving). My dad stayed pretty quiet but I think seeing my mom so calm and normal with Cheryl and I helped him relax. He helped us load everything into the car and we proceeded to Tia's for the family get together.


We had been practicing what we would say during the drive if anyone asked who Cheryl was. We were not allowed to show any affection, and she was just a friend who offered to drive me down. However, the question never really came up. Hugs were given to us both before I could say anymore than “this is Cheryl”. No one asked questions or said anything and even my beard didn't come up in conversation. It almost felt completely normal except for hearing the name “Ash” or “Ashley”. It was a bit humerus watching Cheryl talk to my family as anytime she had to refer to me as “Ash” it looked like she had taken a sip of sour lemonade and my family having to pause for a moment hearing male pronouns in conjunction with “Ash”. After eating the White Elephant Exchange began and in true Earll fashion, so did the laughs. The second to youngest Earll, Casey, got number 1 of course (the little stinker) which ended in her getting whatever she wanted and in true younger sister fashion, took the hat from her oldest sister in the end. Granny had to unwrap six or seven gifts as all of hers kept getting stolen by other family members who each kissed her then said, “I love you”, and took her gift. Wesley, being 7 and the youngest Earll, had the opposite and was begging his mom and older sisters to steal his gift as he didn't listen to his mom in the first place and wound up with a large spread of make up and eye shadows. The jokes of putting make up on him were endless, and I had to bite my tongue anytime I thought of something funny to say because I didn't want things to turn sour when we were having such a good time. Eventually someone took it and he was happy to end up with a staple gun and other tools which he told his dad he could borrow but that they were still his. Cheryl opened a scarf that fit her perfectly and managed to hold onto it while I, being toward the end, stole from my mom. I needed the toilet paper more than she did plus the Itunes card hidden inside was really the only gift I wanted. Granny and great grandma ended up with the gifts Cheryl and I brought being a rock fountain for granny and a Get Rich Quick Schemes money jar for great granny: both a perfect fit.

Wrapping paper finally made its way to the trash bag and food was being put away when I got to spend some time with my younger cousins. It still blows my mind how much they have grown and how old I feel but despite my feeling nervous, all went well and no mention of my trans status came to the surface. Everyone met over at granny's before they headed back to the Caribou Hills for New Years. Stockings and presents were opened and yet again I smiled when I realized there was a stocking for Cheryl at granny's as well. Granny got to show everyone the blanket I had given her and the surprise on their faces when she told them I had made it myself was worth every frustrating moment I had trying to crochet the darn thing. Upon time for them to leave all the kids said goodbye with hugs and even gave Cheryl a hug goodbye. The exchange between my aunt Jamie and Cheryl stunned me even more at how normal everything seemed. No one got upset or uncomfortable that we were able to tell and everyone knew she was my fiance' except the kids. I still can't believe how well it all went.



Christmas morning Cheryl and I got ready to head back to Anchorage a bit sad that we had to leave. I wasn't feeling any better, and we had to drive all the way to Palmer to see Cheryl's family for Christmas dinner so we had to get a semi-early start. We were both sad to be leaving my granny's as it had been a really amazing weekend despite my not feeling well. Cheryl had become part of the family in just a few days time and our hearts were full of gratitude and love. Finally being alone in the car Cheryl decided to fill me in on something I had missed the day before. Apparently, when I was showing off my cool green socks and shoes to my cousin Casey (only 11), she referred to me as “he”. It's probably a good thing I didn't notice in the moment because I probably would have cried and made a scene thereby probably causing her some embarrassment or confusion but luckily Cheryl caught it and was able to gently nod her head that male pronouns were okay. I'm pretty sure I cried just having Cheryl tell me the story.

It was another long drive Christmas day but luckily I slept most of it. Still, despite being sick most of the trip and having to push the car all over the Kenai Peninsula, it was the best Christmas I could have asked for. My family is proof that people can change and adapt to the unknown. It has taken years to get to the point where I could take my fiance' down to meet my family nevertheless during a major holiday and everything be okay. I never expected things to go so well, but I am so grateful at how it all turned out. I don't know if my family knows just how much this Christmas meant to me, but I know it's a Christmas I'll never forget.