MUTHAFUCKA I SAID!

I like my job. Don’t get me wrong. But seriously something needs to be done with my desk and the file drawers. I need a new shape for this desk as well. Plus the ability to raise part of it so I can stand up if I need to because of my back problems. I need more organizers and a way for my chair to fit in my space better. I need more ergonomic friendly supplies. I also need more frames with photos for my walls because I get really bored sitting at the front desk doing nothing sometimes. Actually while they are at it, they might as well just let me move into one of the private offices with a window because my anxiety and my need for music are absurd. Yeah I’m not high maintenance at all.

What seems to bother me most of all however, despite the absolute un-organization of this office, is my bottom file drawer. It NEVER stays closed unless I lock it- however, that keeps me from getting into the other two drawers I get into on a constant basis. I am surprised my legs are not permanently black and blue from how many times I hit my legs on that stupid drawer. I won’t even realize it’s open. I’ll see it closed, back my chair up, stand up and BAM! FUCK OWWW! Oh shit I’m not supposed to swear at work…. Oops. Well thank God I got my coffee… course it’s in a cup that reminds me I have to quit smoking and part of me is excited about that while part of me is like- fuck, now what?

So I sit at my desk and pretend to look fabulous- ok who are we kidding, I am fabulous. I enter finance invoices and check numbers at the end of the month and the rest of the month just do whatever odd projects my boss throws at me.  My time outside of work is limited. My job pretty much consists of being the front desk queer. I answer the phone and greet the very few people that visit our office. Most of them are state employees themselves and we don’t have much worth stealing so all they have to do is sign in and out on a piece of paper. Sounds easy right? Yeah for the most part it is. Problem is that easy for me, is boring.

Not that I miss the fourteen hour days on a rocking train in a hot, stuffy kitchen with bitchy servers and customers, but I do miss the thrill of adventure and jamming to my music all day. I was up and active and generally had a great time with my co-workers in and outside of work. Working for the State of Alaska at a desk job is COMPLETELY different! I don’t even have a desk job where I can roam around my office or go do things as I need. I can’t even go get coffee from the break room without making sure someone can watch the front desk. It’s the most lame security job ever. I will say that it’s not without its benefits but being stuck in a chair at a front desk is really not my type of gig.

I am Danny MuthaFucking Cockring people! I NEED music and freedom to move about and be whatever personality on whatever day I freaking want! I keep dreaming of the day when I can be a famous actor or at least have my second dream job of being a profiler and detective hunting down serial killers and mass murderers. Putting the puzzles together and searching for clues; studying profiles and psychological issues; being able to work all the hours I can and work late into the night like my body prefers instead of being to work at the ass crack of dawn. I am NOT a morning person and the only reason I survive my Monday-Friday 8am-4:30pm job is the coffee. However sometimes even coffee isn’t enough to keep me awake and energized and stronger fuel is needed- like Redbull! We all know I’d prefer that to be Tequila and Redbull but I’m pretty sure the State would frown upon drinking at work. Thank gawd I can drink at the King Shows and still get paid in tips.

If I made as much money performing as I do at this secretary job, I’d switch in a heartbeat. I’d get to spend my days rehearsing songs and dancing (which I do regularly anyways) and acting in several different personas during the day. It would never be the same old thing, and I’d get to be hangin out with my awesome brothers. The best part about getting out of this state job though, is I wouldn’t have to deal with that stupid file drawer killing my legs- OWWWW!!!! DAMNIT YOU STUPID DRAWER- STAY CLOSED! MUTHAFUCKA I SAID!