Power of Self Monologue

I recently went on a weekend camping trip with a buddy. We camped Friday night & had a full day kayaking trip planned for Saturday. We had been looking forward to this trip all summer. So we packed up our lunches, power bars and some water then headed to check in. We pulled into Millers Landing just outside of Seward, checked in, met our guides, and got all of our gear. We were set and totally excited to go on a big, manly adventure. Our kayak guides, Nick & Tramp, looked just like I had imagined wilderness guys to look like, only they were super cool guys and kept everyone excited, positive, and were very helpful. Just hanging around them made me feel more manly and happy that I was dirty, sweaty, and stinking. It was the musk of men.

 

Nick & Tramp got us set up in our kayak and shipped us off. My buddy and I were in a double kayak as everyone had a buddy in a double. The guides were the only singles. We left Millers Landing and absorbed the amazing view around us as we paddled about 500 pounds through the water. The girls that were with the group fell far back from the group as all us guys had a lot of upper body strength & pushed through the water with ease. It took us just under 2 hours to reach the beach where we would have lunch & break. We all used the outhouse and returned to the kayaks where I learned that it wasn't time for lunch- it was time to hike up the mountain and have lunch up top: crap.

 

I hadn't prepared for a hike and wasn't aware it was part of the tour. I quickly grabbed my stuff and followed the group to the trail. I was really tired and needed food. I shoveled one of my sandwiches in my face and washed it down with one of my waters as I headed along the trail. It wasn't too bad at first and wasn’t too steep a climb but then we turned a corner... I started wishing I had known about the hike so I could have brought my hiking boots. I was at the tail of our group which consisted of 11 people plus the 2 guides. As I started climbing I realized my body did not want to work with me. My back was sore from the seat of the kayak digging into my spinal cord, and my legs were sore from having to steer the rudder in such a tight, cramped space. My knees were screaming in pain and my thighs and stomach muscles were burning from having to hold my body up and keep balancing the kayak through all the waves. As Tramp kept telling us, "be the otter, move with the water & just go with it." in order to do that I really had to work my core muscle groups. This soreness and weakness in my muscles was making the hike so difficult. I fell further and further behind the group as we continued up the incline. I'd catch up just a bit on flat ground but quickly fall behind again when the trail inclined.

 

I was struggling. It took so much effort just to lift my leg enough to take a step then even longer to push myself upward. I wanted to fall over, lie down & quit. I was over the pain and the embarrassment of being last and so far behind. At one point everyone had to wait for me because of the fork in the trail, and I could tell they were not happy about it. No one asked how I was doing, they just kept going. I felt defeated. I'm not sure what started it, but I heard a voice that said don't give up. I started thinking about all the times I had quit in the past or given up; all the times I used excuses to not do something such as my back hurts; I'm too fat; I'm out of shape; I'm too tired; I'm not good enough; I don't matter; it's not worth it. I looked down at my gut and started remembering what it was like when I was at 300 pounds just less than 2 years ago- I never would have made the kayaking let alone a hike. I took another step. You've lost 40 pounds dude. You can do this. I took another step. You have to work harder than they do to accomplish the same task. I took another step. It's a whole lot easier to do this at 260 pounds than 300. I took another few steps. Why should you miss out on an awesome time just because you hurt a bit? I took a few more steps. Why does it matter if you're last? You have a lot more weight to carry up this mountain than they do- you should keep going.

 

I started taking steps and moving myself up the mountain. I could still feel all the pain and weakness in my back and legs but was no longer paying attention. I kept pushing and talking to myself. I thought about all of my other accomplishments. I thought about all the times I tried to give up and made it through. I started thinking about what I would say if I quit and what I would say if I made it. I didn't like the excuses if I quit. I had too much to lose by not finishing the hike. I would be more embarrassed if I quit than if I was the last one to the top. You might be the last one but at least you'll get all 260 pounds of you up to the top. They are all in shape and aren't having a hard time because they didn't use excuses. Stop making excuses. Keep going Danny. You can do it. You are working harder than any of them & you'll have more to be proud of when you get all 260 pounds of yourself up this mountain. You're going to finish this damn hike even if it kills you. Push Danny. You got this. Look at everything you have accomplished. Look how far you've come. If anyone says anything you can tell them that you worked harder for the same trip and that you're not ashamed because you got all 260 pounds of yourself up that mountain.

 

Before I knew it I had caught up to the group again. We were going to explore an old military fort at the top of Cain’s Head. The fort is from World War II and is an amazing piece of history. I wished I had a flashlight so I could explore on my own, but it was still amazing as our guides took us through. I love learning about World War II so for me it was a priceless experience. I was so happy that I didn't quit. As we exited the fort I expected the hike to continue only to walk into the sunshine and see the Bay and all the mountains surrounding it and Fox Island down to the right. We had made it and the view was breathtaking. I was so excited that I demanded pictures before food.

 

The view from the top of Cain’s Head was beyond amazing, and I was so proud of myself for making it. We sat and ate lunch and rested. It was a MUCH needed rest and refuel. By the time we got ready to head back down the mountain I was ready to go. I felt inspired, energized, and excited. My muscles got some much needed stretching and rest. Overall, I didn't feel the pain mentally or physically, and I headed down the mountain with the same positive attitude and excitement I had that morning. I ended up leading the group down the mountain with our guide Nick, and my legs worked with ease. I was still sore but didn't feel pain. I talked with the guides and exchanged stories all the way down the mountain and had a great time.

 

The trip back was interesting as our rudder broke, and we had some issues keeping the kayak straight because my buddy wanted to be in the back- bad idea to have the heaviest person in the front which I tried to say but of course no one wants to listen to me… So we had some hard work ahead of us for the return trip but it was still amazing to be out in the water surrounded by mountains on a gorgeous day.

 

We got back to shore and were happy to be out of the kayaks and stretching our sore muscles. We tipped Nick and Tramp for being awesome guides and returned our gear. Once we got back to our campsite it was time for a big fire and some beers. We spent the night reliving our awesome adventure and had talks of doing it again. I quickly agreed that the trip is something I would do again in a heartbeat. Even though there were difficult parts of the trip, it was some of the most fun I’ve ever had. I’m sure if I had kept my negative attitude and kept complaining about the hike I wouldn’t have had as much fun though. It wasn’t until I started to push myself with positive thoughts and energy that I was able to accomplish the task in front of me. I didn’t have someone else cheering me on or pushing me. I didn’t have any encouragement from the group but rather I had myself and my own mind. In a way, the hike was like many of life’s obstacles: we are afraid of the hard work and the pain we will go through and our progress is so slow that we feel it is not worth it. We feel self-doubt and quickly want to give up. The problem in giving up is we lose our potential. We lose the view from the top and will always wonder, what if…

 

The power of positive self monologue is what got all 260 pounds of me up that mountain. The positive encouragement I gave myself was the difference between success and failure. Words are very powerful, especially our own, so use them for the power of being positive and trying your hardest. Who knows, at the top could be the best view of your life.