Drag Kings, Drag Queens, and Trans OH MY!

            During my research online and in talking to the transman my professor introduced me to, I learned a lot about gender and sexuality. I didn’t know if my brain could handle all the information and keep from imploding. I felt my religious beliefs creeping up behind me at every turn and making me question what the hell was going on. I felt confused beyond belief. My mind whirled with Sunday school lessons and the nice gay people I had met at the university.

          I read the Bible and The Book of Mormon trying to find answers to how people like myself could exist and found no answers. My mind troubled me, and I felt torn between my belief system and what I thought I had known to be true and the wonderful gay community that I was slowly getting to know. How could these people be so bad that God would send them to hell? After all, didn’t God create all of us in His image? I thought I had known everything I needed to get through this life and live forever with my family throughout eternity- now I wasn’t so sure.



Anchorage, AK Temple



            I searched constantly for answers. I felt torn like I had to choose. I couldn’t be a lesbian, never the less a transman and still go to church and have God love me. God hated fags and dykes. I felt like a pervert. I felt like I was betraying my God because He created me one way and that’s it. But wait a minute, if God created all of us as we are, doesn’t that mean he created us gay or straight or gender queer? If God created our bodies then certainly He must have created the hardware and the wiring in our brains as well. My mind spun with questions, and I couldn’t find the answers I needed anywhere.

            As my troubled mind went about my daily life I only  found relief surrounded by those in the community. Before I turned twenty one it was with The Family. I loved our weekly meetings. For the first time in my life I didn’t feel alone. After the meetings however I felt even guiltier. How could I feel so comfortable in a place that is supposedly not good for me? I still felt a bit awkward and uncomfortable when it came to our first drag show however. I felt my knees tremble with excitement and nerves. My mind caused me heartache and fear but my heart whispered a little bit of hope.

            I had watched the drag queens at my first pride the year before but now I had them in my face. I watched men tuck, stuff, wrap, paint their faces, tease their wigs, and sprinkle more glitter than I’d ever seen in my life. I was horrified. WHY??? Why on God’s green earth would you EVER want to do something like that?!?!? I hated being a female yet these men were hiding all forms of masculinity and dressing like they loved being a woman. I was shocked. I didn’t understand why biological women liked being women but now men wanting to be women…. It just blew my mind.



Daphne Do'All Lachores and Danny Cockring 2010



      I turned and looked at myself in the mirror; I had mascara harshly wiped across my face and in my hair to look like a beard; my boobs were killing me between the ace bandage and the duct tape but from how amazing it looked, I was willing to deal with the pain; then there was that long, hard, dildo sticking out from my pants. It was a bit weird to see, but I couldn’t help but smile. I honestly looked ridiculous, but it was the closest I’d ever been to being the man I always wanted to be, and in that moment, I didn’t care… or so I thought. I began to get nervous as the show started. My mind turned once again to my religious background- I looked around the room at all the drag king, drag queens, and transgender individuals I had met and as they called my name to perform, I accepted the fact that I was going to hell.



Johnathan Jones & Ash 2008



            It wasn’t very long after that Reverend Johnathan Jones was a guest speaker at The Family meeting. Yet again my mind was blown. This man was GAY! Didn’t he know that homosexuality was an abomination? How could he preach in a church? It wasn’t until he started talking that I began to calm my mind. His words affected me, and I felt compelled to listen to every syllable he spoke. By the end of his talk I knew I had to go to his church and see what this was all about. Who ever heard of a gay friendly church? Certainly I hadn’t. But I needed answers, and I was willing to go anywhere to try and find them.

            I began attending Metropolitan Community Church on a regular basis. I got to know many wonderful people: Johnathan, Sue, Chuck, James Crump, Rachel, Annie, Katherine, Matthew & James, and others. I was confused at how the services were just because they felt so different from a Mormon service but I felt that spiritual comfort when I was there which is something I hadn’t expected. I think there was more love in that small chapel with that tiny congregation than I’d ever felt before in my life. Mamma Sue was probably a big part of that with her gigantic hugs that made you feel safe and protected from anything. Soon I became part of the church family and even served on the Board of Directors for a while. I felt connected again and slowly found a peace I had been so aching for. I still haven’t found all the answers I’ve been searching for, but I am at peace. I don’t have to know everything, and I probably never will. I just know that Drag Queens are fabulous, Drag Kings are crazy fun, Transgenders are human, and I love all of them; if a God exists, I think that is something He’d be okay with.



Last Frontier Drag Kings Pride 2012