Return of The Gentleman
Integrity, honesty, loyalty, courtesy, courage, physical strength, gentle, kind, generous, respectful, honor… Values- values that once lived in the heart of every man considered a gentleman. These qualities go hand in hand with what seems today to be a fantasy world. Gentlemen live in story books that begin with ‘Once Upon A Time’. Now like most fairytales, we often dream of them coming true in our own lives; women specifically dream of the return of the gentlemen and Knights in shining armor. Years of girls and women have passed dreaming of this story book man, however, the question still remains: How do we return the gentlemen?
Well in order to return gentlemen to this day and age we must first look at where the gentlemen originated from. Most remember the gentleman as being from the Victorian Era where men dressed well and always treated others with respect. While this is partly true, the gentleman precedes to the Medieval Times. Dr. Richard Abels, a United States Naval Academy Professor, discusses the gentleman and knight from the beginning as Western Europe’s way to distinguish Military from commoners. During the 12th through 15th centuries, Western Europe defined rich commoners as Social Elite where as Knights were of the Military Aristocracy defined by a code of Chivalry1.
Chivalry was not a set code of behaviors but rather a constant effort to improve oneself and gain honor within the courts. Certain values were expected but the code was a continuous fluxuations of actions and behaviors that evolved through time and as new situations arose. Chivalry was also defined as to who the person was by genealogy and physical presence. 1Chivalric Knights were expected to do right, be able bodied, have good lineage, lots of wealth, be wise, generous, loyal, courageous, and honorable. A Knight was to avoid pride, false oaths, and treachery2. All of these values, attitudes, and behaviors would lead up to the more commonly known 19th century gentleman.
The Victorian Era is highly known for its establishment of ‘The Gentleman’ and ‘The Lady’. Manners, wealth, attire, and social standing were considered of most importance to the point that one would go out of their way to exemplify these qualities. At this point in time manliness and honor went together which was translated from the Chivalric Knighthood. Honor became the essential of the gentleman. Anthropologist Julian Pitt-Rivers defines honor for us as “the value of a person in his own eyes, but also in the eyes of his society”3. Reputation was everything and the base of society.
Picture please, a tall man with trimmed sideburns and mustache; an ironed three-piece suit; a pocket watch hanging from his vest; a bowler hat and underneath, neatly combed and oiled hair; freshly shined shoes, and a cane in hand. This is a typical version of the gentleman from the Victorian Era and what most picture when they hear the word gentleman. He is always looking his best. The gentleman is always courteous and polite, especially to the ‘fairer sex’ of woman. He is charming, sophisticated, proper, eloquent, and courageous. Always minding his manners and never discussing inappropriate topics when women are around, he is a man’s man. He is physically and emotionally strong but humble in his strength. He tips his hat in passing as a sign of friendliness and always escorts a woman on his left. This is the essence of a gentleman.
As many of the qualities of a gentleman come from Medieval Times, the reasons for certain behavior can change. For example, Knights would escort women on their left so if a threat came about, he could easily access his sword which was carried on his left side, and his right hand would be free to grab it swiftly. Now days, a gentleman would be expected to escort primarily on the left unless a threat, such as traffic, happened to be to his left- then he would escort the woman on his right. Another example is the tipping of the hat. Knights would commonly meet each other in full armor so to signal ‘friend’ and not ‘foe’, a Knight would raise his visor to reveal his face4. While it seems like basic etiquette, gentlemen seem to be in rare existence in today’s society. Sure there are nice guys and those who are polite but the essence of being a gentleman seems to have started into extinction beginning after the 1950s.
What caused this change in behavior and values? During the 1950s many inventions came out to market and technology began to increase. Automobiles became an essential of the American Dream and television popped up in most American homes. In the 1960s, the Vietnam War was broadcasted on televisions and attitudes shifted. Media became the ultimate source for news and entertainment. Could this shift in media availability be part of what caused the loss of the gentleman throughout the years?
Television and media have influenced our culture significantly and is always in our faces. With the development of personal computers and internet, information became more widely available to youngsters. Crime rates went up and fashion became a booming business. The music industry developed and more genres of music came out along with the fashion statements of artists. Rap and hip-hop became popular along with the baggy jeans and shirts with flat billed baseball caps. Music videos and the MTV generation depict women as sexual beings playing to secret male fantasies. It is no wonder that our society has lost the art of being a gentleman.
We are constantly bombarded with sexual images and disrespect towards women. Magazines, videos, and internet porn have become typical in a man’s home and the constant search for more perfect beauty has led us down an impossible idea of life itself. So the question remains: how do we bring back the gentleman?
The answer lies in the media. If we are to change how we see the world, we have to change what we show the world. We have to take a stand and work to demand a return of morals and values to society. We have to make ourselves an example as well as demand that media change. It has already started with magazines and the internet. In my research, I found several examples of this change. The most interesting is Primer Magazine: A Guy’s Post-College Guide to Growing Up. This magazine promotes gentleman like behaviors adjusted for today’s world and technology. They discuss a lot about etiquette as it would pertain today. A few examples are based on social situations: keep your phone in your pocket and ignore it when talking to someone. A phone can wait- a person in front of you cannot. Avoid forced eavesdropping by taking personal calls out of the public ear. Always use full language, spelling, and grammar in texts and emails5. These are just a few suggestions that Primer Magazine suggests. Imagine what could happen if people simply had cell phone etiquette.
I also stumbled across a website titled, Today’s Gentleman: A site for those that believe being a true gentleman is as important now as any time in history. Established in October 2010 in Queensland, Australia, Today’s Gentleman discusses the values of a gentleman and how to apply them to your life. Every characteristic of a gentleman is defined and discussed with examples. This website is an educational tool for those who wise to poses a more sophisticated and respectful manner and live as close to gentlemanly as this world will allow6.
Another change needed in order to resurrect ‘The Gentleman’ is parenting. Parents need to take responsibility and discipline their kids and teach them values. I will always be grateful to the Mormon religion for teaching values and respect despite how hurt I might be from their outlook on certain aspects of my life. I was raised to be a gentleman even though the goal was to raise me as a lady. I always paid extra attention when leaders talked about the Young Men and how they should be. I idolized my dad for his kindness, strength, and how well he treated my mom and us kids. He always provided for us and led by example. More families need to be like this. We have lost the true meaning of ‘The Gentleman’, ‘The Lady’, ‘Romance’, and Love.
Wherefore art thy Shakespears? Wherefore art those kindly spirits of womanhood? Wherefore art the gentlemen whoso worketh with his hands to provideth for his family? Wherefore art thy graceful dances which promote young love under moonlit skies? Wherefore art thy young men whoso court young women before even bestowing a soft kiss to her rosy cheek? I say to you: it be the parents and their lack of discipline and example that doth rip apart our society with sex fiends, gangsters and whores of the streets. It is the parents who are responsible for the crumbling of values in our youngsters for the parents are but children themselves. They boast in youth, not of responsibility. They boast in pride of beauty of the body whilst the soul withers away like the wind upon the desert sand.
The media and parenting have to change if we are to ever witness the return of ‘The Gentleman’ on a large scale. We must teach our youth about days of old and respect towards others and towards themselves. We must lead by example if we are to encourage gentleman like behaviors and values. Parents have to be cautious of what they wear which means no wearing pajamas to Wal-Mart or having pants lower than boxer shorts. It means taking responsibility for ourselves and presenting ourselves to the world how we want our children to be. We have to stop allowing our children to view media that contains women as sexualized objects. Teachers have to stop allowing certain behaviors in the classroom. Bosses have to crack down on slothfulness and stop caring about profits more than employee welfare. We all have a part to play in the destruction of community and basic etiquette.
I am NOT saying that we must return to the Victorian Era and force social stigma upon others. I am NOT saying that women must wear corsets and frilly dresses with perfect hair. I am NOT saying that men must always wear business suits and tuxedos. I am NOT saying that children should be raised strict and in boarding school. I AM saying that individuals need to take personal responsibility for their actions and behaviors. I AM saying that people should dress appropriately and modestly according to their means. I AM saying that parents should be loving, attentive, disciplined, and firm. I AM saying that we all have responsibility for how others see us.
So to answer the question, “how do we bring back the gentleman”, we start with ourselves; we start dressing and behaving more like ladies and gentlemen and start expecting higher standards from those we associate with. We hold ourselves responsible and we hold others responsible. All in all, to bring back the gentleman, we start with ourselves.
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